This might be an interesting way to start a blog, but this week I had a fight with my boyfriend. I won’t go into the gritty details, that’s not important, but it helped me learn a few things about myself, notably that nothing is set in stone. I realized while in the deepest of my sadness and guilt that my relationship might be in jeopardy, and that terrified me. What I had thought was a sure thing was suddenly no longer solid, and I felt like everything was falling apart.
This week, I learned that things don’t always go as planned.
Things don’t always go the way that you thought they would, and that’s okay. But for someone with mental illness, even the slightest difference from expectation can be devastating. In my case, it made me re-evaluate myself, my relationship, and the ideas I had for the future. So what did I do?
I looked up a list of therapists near me who accepted my insurance, and I emailed four of them to reach out. I asked for help, and I’m so proud of myself for having done so. Sometimes asking for help is the best thing you can do for yourself. I’ve sought therapy in the past, notably during a major turning point in undergrad where I received my diagnoses of Clinical Depression, Anxiety, and an Autism Spectrum disorder. Mental illness has been such a major part of my life for so long that it has become part of my identity, but sometimes even the things that are intrinsically part of you can get out of control. I know that I will likely never be “cured,” but getting some help will definitely let me work on myself and hopefully become more independent.
One of the many podcasts I listen to, The Hilarious World of Depression, had two episodes last year where listeners wrote in about songs that help them with their personal depression journies. One of these songs really stuck with me, Bleachers’ “I Wanna Get Better.” It talks about wanting to get better and improve yourself, for yourself and your partner. I’ve been listening to it on repeat lately, as an inspiration. I’ll link the video at the end of this post so that you can feel the inspiration as well.